I'm here, if you need me
by RaspberryRaindrops
Summary: Nick and Zoe, all mistakes are mine - R&R if you feel like it!
1. Chapter 1

"You're beautiful, you know" Nick murmured as he watched Zoe reappearing into his bedroom from the en suite. His eyes trailed over her body, sweeping the gentle curve of her waist and the flare of her hips currently wrapped in his shirt. He had been astounded when she'd appeared on his doorstep three weeks ago, having flown from Holby City to Michigan in a state of spontaneity after waking out of her job.

"Is that right?" She laughed, running a brush through her wet hair. She looked over at him with a raised eyebrow "I think you just want me to take this towel off" she winked at him, wiggling her bum slightly as she dropped the towel and pulled her underwear on.

Zoe's phone buzzing on the bedside table drew his attention away from the show she was putting on "you're going to have to answer them eventually" he sighed, noting 'work' appearing on the caller ID; this just added to the numerous texts, calls and emails she'd been ignoring from the other staff members, especially Tess.

"No, I don't" she sighed, crawling back into bed with him; it surprised her how easily they had fallen back into the routine of being a couple. They went on dates, acted like any other regular couple and never mentioned the fact that Zoe had walked out on her job. She had appeared at his door in tears, clutching a bottle of vodka she had bought a duty free and repeatedly apologising. He had immediately taken her in his arms trying to calm her down enough to tell him what happened. He had listened and drank with her as the whole story of her losing her grip on the department spilled out, and when she apologised for letting him down he had cupped her face in his hands and kissed her; more passionately than he ever had and told her that she could never let him down. "I came here to get away, if, and when, I'm ready I will call them but for now you have me naked and in your bed, make the most of it Mr Jordan" she giggled as he rolled on top of her and kissed her. "I've missed you" she whispered. She couldn't believe how much she had missed the man currently inside her; he was more than the love of her life, he was her best friend and greatest confidante.

"I've missed you too, darling. I've missed you too" he whispered, kissing her gently. "You should let Tess know where you are, at least. You could be lying in a ditch for all they know" he tried to reason with her, stroking her side lightly.

"Yes, I know" she nodded "but I know what they must think of me, they think I'm a failure" she whispered, not quite meeting Nicks eyes.

He guided her chin up to look at him "You are not a failure" he told her, deadly serious in his tone "you are the most beautiful and intelligent woman I have ever met" he whispered as he moved his face closer to her and kissed her again. "You know" he whispered "I think it's time we went home"


	2. Chapter 2

"Nick, I don't think I can do this" Zoe fretted as Nick pulled into the ever familiar hospital car park, her hand gripped his thigh in a vice like grip as she fretted about the impending confrontation.

Nick pulled the handbrake on as he parked up and turned to look a her "of course you can" he smiled, reassuringly squeezing her hand and raising it to his lips to kiss her knuckles. No one knew that Zoe was back in the country, no one had even known she'd gone, but now she was back; not that she'd officially quit her job but now she'd have to plead with Connie to get it back after walking out. He pushed open his car door, and stepped out to meet Zoe at the other side.

They both noted the looks and double takes as the strolled into resus hand in hand.

"Where the hell have you been?" Charlie asked, astounded as he saw the couple walk into the department looking ever so calm.

Zoe looked at the ground as Charlie approached them, squeezing Nicks hand tightly and becoming interested in a spot on the floor next to Nicks immaculate Armani shoes. "Michigan" she mumbled feeling like a child on the naughty step.

"You can't just leave like that, we needed you here, and you told no one you were leaving" Charlie's admonished her shaking his head.

"You know what, Charlie" Zoe replied, feeling her steely nerve coming back "I didn't feel needed, how do you think it feels having Connie's sly comments about not being able to keep a department or having everyone else giving me the cold shoulder because of other things I'd done, I needed a break so I took one" she felt Nick squeeze her hand as the sound of heels clicking along the corridor approached; that sound used to signify she was coming, her kingdom, her domain but now it was all Mrs Beauchamp.

"You've got a nerve" she hissed as Zoe came into her eye line "where the hell have you been for the last month?!" She asked, her voice in a high pitched growl; she'd been left a doctor down for the last month but with no knowledge of her whereabouts she couldn't employ a new doctor in her job.

"I've been getting my life together, Connie, I needed a break." Zoe held her head high as she spoke, meeting Connies glare head on "I went to the only person I could trust" she told her, nodding her head to Nick, who's hand was still firmly gripped in hers.

Connie hadn't taken notice of who'd been stood next to Zoe, she did a double take as she lifted her hear to meet Nicks eyes. "Nick?" Connie questioned in surprise, she had no idea Nick and Zoe even knew each other, or were close, as their demeanour suggested. He looked good, she noted; his finely tailored suit and expensive shoes, the shiny Rolex and embossed cuff links.

"Hello, Connie" Nick replied, nodding his head in acknowledgment to the renowned surgeon. "Nice to see you" he smiled politely "anyway, we're here on business" he spoke to the clinical lead side of her, the one who would want to run the nest department in the country, with the best doctors she could at her side. "Can we talk?" He gestured to the office which had once been his, then Zoe's and now her arch nemesis'.

.

Zoe and Nick sat together, rather awkwardly in their ex office. It had changed considerably in the four weeks since Zoe had left; the extra desk had been removed and Connie had taken hers, the pictures of Sharice were now replaced with an unfamiliar child she assumed was Connie's daughter. There were no shoes or spare dresses littering the office anymore but neatly filed admin and a pair of trainers in the corner.

"I'm going to be blunt here, Connie" Zoe spoke up "I need my job back"

"Bu-" Connie tried to but in.

"Look before you say anything, I'm sorry for walking out but I couldn't take in anymore . If I hadn't left, I would have endangered someone's life and I think we both know that isn't what this department needed"

Connie nodded her head, conceding "I think we can come to an arrangement Zoe. I don't want to be your enemy, I just didn't want to see this department run into the ground" Connie told her, shaking her head "I assume you'll be available to start tomorrow?"

"Of course" Zoe nodded "thanks Connie" and with a slight smile Nick and Zoe left hand in hand with Connie's narrowing eyes following them.


	3. Chapter 3

Zoe sighed as she took a draw of her cigarette, relishing in the calmness that washed over her as she exhaled. It had been a relatively quite day if her last weeks in charge was anything to go by. She watched as an ambulance approached and Connie ran out to meet it, they seemed to have, to an extent, settle their differences. She jumped slightly as a hand touched her waist.

"So you're back then?" Max asked, as he approached Zoe from behind. He had heard from Robyn that she had been in a few days ago, after disappearing off the face if the earth for three weeks. He'd heard all about the man whom she'd returned with, the one who exuded arrogance and wealth. She hadn't been answering his calls or texts and now, it seemed, he was dumped.

Zoe whipped around as she heard the familiar voice "yeah" she smiled sheepishly, stubbing her cigarette out with her heel. "It's good to see you" she reached out to touch his arm lightly.

"Where have you been?" Max asked her, looking her up and down. She looked good, had a sort of… glow that radiated from her skin. Her curvy figure was as present as ever, encased nicely in her usual skirt and shirt.

"I've been away, I had to get away for a while" she smiled "I'm sorry I never called but I needed space."

"So what about us then?" He looked at her stonily, her face said it all, they were over. "Nick Jordan?" Max questioned, he'd only ever heard the name in passing and when he'd questioned Zoe, she'd clammed up and told him they were over a long time ago.

"Yeah… Look I'm sorry, but, Nick. Well, Nick's the love of my life" she whispered, looking up to meet his eyes "I never wanted to hurt you Max, but we weren't going anywhere, were we?" She questioned, rhetorical to her but she sensed he had an answer for her.

"I thought we might have, yeah" he conceded, his hand reaching out to hold her was surprised when she never pulled away and he moved his face closer to her "I've missed you Zoe" he whispered, closing the two between their lips.

"That shouldn't have happened" Zoe sighed as she pulled her mouth away from his "you can't go around kissing me" she whispered, pushing him away from her.

"It wasn't that long ago you were pulling my into the storeroom now, was it?" He winked her, stubbing out his cigarette and walking away, leaving Zoe slightly flushed against the wall.

.

"Good day?" Nick asked as he approached the door Zoe had just entered, kicking her shoes off and dropping her bag.

"Yeah, it was ok" she sighed, running her hand through her hair and leaning into his chest. "I'm knackered though" she whispered, leaning her hair against his chest S he wrapped his arms around her waist. She wasn't used to the long shifts after five weeks off, and just wanted to go to bed.

"There's a nice bottle of red with your name on it in the kitchen, shall we curl up on the couch?"

"That sounds lovely" she replied, kissing him and allowing him to lead her through to the living room. "I love you, you know" she whispered a while later, long after they had finished the bottle of wine as she stared into the fire burning in front of them.

"I love you too" he replied, kissing her head.


	4. Chapter 4

The buzzing of a mobile interrupted Zoe's doing nothing. It wasn't hers, that was sitting next to her – still and lifeless, unlike in the months she had been clinical lead. She stretched across the couch to grab Nicks phone from the armchair, hearing him still in the shower, and was surprised to find it wasn't his blackberry vibrating either. She followed the sound, leading her to Nicks suit jacket over the back of the dining room chair and rummaged in its pockets. She pulled out the iPhone, unaware he had a second mobile and picked it up finally finding the ringing phone; the name on the caller I'd was unfamiliar to her – Lynette.

"Hello? Nick's phone" she answered, slightly bemused as she waited for a reply from a woman she'd never heard Nick mention. A colleague she assumed, a surgeon Nick had worked with out in Michigan.

"Oh, hey there" the overly sweet American twang drawled back at her "can you put Nick on, please. It's urgent that I speak to him" the voice whined.

Zoe frowned, she hated women like that; ones who seemed to rely on men for everything and incapable of doing things for themselves. "He's in the shower, just now. Can I take a message?" Zoe asked, wondering what was so urgent.

"A shower? And you're there, why are you with him?" That high pitched woman questioned.

Zoe could hear the confusion in her voice as she spoke "I'm Zoe, his girlfriend. So, can I take a message?" She asked getting slightly frustrated with the girl on the other end.

"His girlfriend? Well hi, I'm Lynette, his it her girlfriend. Yes, will you tell him that my periods late and I'm just about to take a pregnancy test" she snarled, not sounding as aggressive as she wanted with her sugary voice and hanging up the phone.

Zoe sat down on the couch, her hands shaking and feeling slightly nauseous. Nick had a girlfriend in America, a pregnant one by the sounds of it; she was the other woman, she hadn't been that in a long time. She picked up the iPhone, the phone which had just brought her whole world crashing around her ears; the world that Nick had just built up again, so very quickly like a whirlwind. She scrolled through the photos feeling slightly sick, there was so many pictures of him and this girl, girl was the only word she could use to describe her; tall, blonde, slimmer than Zoe and a good fifteen years younger – they looked so happy together smiling for pictures on nights out, in group shots and a few selfies which obviously she had taken, Zoe doubted Nick even knew he had a camera on his phone. Zoe stared hard at the woman, the woman who could ruin her happiness with two little words 'I'm pregnant', she knew Nick would go back to her, she could never give him a child.

She sat the phone in the middle of the table, where she knew Nick would see it as soon as he entered the room and turned her attention back to Jeremy Kyle, it wasn't her cup of tea but somehow she had visions of herself and Nick and Lynette on there in some horridly complicated love triangle involving various paternity and DNA tests; she chuckled slightly at the thought.

.

"You had a call while you were in the shower" Zoe called, turning around to wait on him entering as she heard him coming down the stairs. She watched as he turned to his blackberry expectantly, scrolling through and finding no missed calls. "No it was your iPhone that rang" Zoe told him, feeling rather calm considering the situation.

"Who – who was it?" Nick asked.

Zoe turned to look at him, she could hear the stutter in his voice and see the worry settling over his brow "it was Lynette, she told me to tell you that you need to come home because she thinks she's pregnant" Zoe raised an eyebrow at him "you do remember your girlfriend, don't you? The one who you failed to mention in eight weeks?"

"Pregnant? She thinks she's pregnant?" Nick looked amazed, if not slightly guilty "Im really sorry, Zoe but I have to go" he all but ran from the room and back up to pack a suitcase, he couldn't get his head around it. He and Lynette had been separated, and then Zoe had came back into his life and he'd barely given her a second thought.

Zoe followed him to her bedroom, what had been their bedroom, for the last five blissful weeks they had been in Holby. "Why didn't you tell me?" Zoe asked, sitting on the bed to watch him pack "you let me make a fool of myself, to think that we had something again. It was you who kissed me, who came onto me and now, now what? You're leaving me again" she stood up and left the room with tears in her eyes, and headed to the kitchen, it was barely after eleven in the morning but as Zoe poured her first glass of wine she no longer cared.

She ignored him as he tried to say goodbye, already slightly drunk and she hoped that I a few hours she wouldn't even remember her own name, never mind Nick bloody Jordan's.


	5. Chapter 5

The three days since Nick had gone back to America passed in a hazy fog of wine and going to work; it had became her new routine – drink until she blacked out and then get up again and go to work, it was becoming harder to disguise her bloodshot eyes, the shaking hands and lack of sleep.

"Zoe?" Tess called softly, beckoning the younger woman into her office "are you ok?" She asked, sitting down behind her desk and gesturing for Zoe to sit too. She'd noticed the change in her behaviour for the last few say he shakes and sunken face, Connie had noticed too and the last thing she wanted was Zoe losing her job.

"Not really Tess" Zoe admitted to, seeing no point in lying about what was so blatantly obvious. She took a deep breath and looked her I'm the eye "he's gone, again" she whispered, she'd tried so hard to drink herself into oblivion and forget Nick Jordan, even thinking about him was painful.

"Nick?" Tess looked confused.

Zoe nodded, tears building up in her eyes "he's got a girlfriend in America, she called said she might be pregnant and her upped and left"

"Oh, Zoe" Tess ,over around her desk and pulled the younger woman into a hug "it's going to be ok though, you'll get through it" she sighed, rubbing her back comfortingly.

"I don't think I will Tess" Zoe shook her had "it as hard enough the first time, and now, he's gone, again. He's got a younger model who can give him what he wants. It's killing me" she admitted. She stood up and ran a hand through her hair "I need a cigarette" she announced, leaving the office and straight for the exit.

.

Max smiled as he approached his usual smoking haunt, Zoe was there; her head tilted back against the wall, her eyes closed and a cigarette dangling from her fingers. He stood beside, probably closer than he should have been and took the cigarette from her hand, taking a drag if it. "Hey…" He mumbled, surprised she hadn't reprimanded him for taking her cigarette.

Zoe smiled weakly in response, opening her eyes to look at him "Hi" she replied, hoping all the conversation would end, the only thing she could think about was going to the pub and ordering a drink. They stood in an awkward, yet understanding silence and it was only then that Zoe felt comfortable to let the tears fall.

"A- Are you ok?" Max asked, reaching out to wrap his arm around her, worried by the sudden tears that had started to fall.

Zoe herself wasn't entirely sure why she was crying "I'm fine, honestly. I just don't understand how you can even look at me after what I done" she whispered.

Max pulled her closer, kissing the top of her head "you need to take your chance at happiness where you can find it, and if Nicks that chance, you have to take it" he whispered, his head still resting on top of hers.

"That's just it though, he's left me" Zoe replied through the sniffling and tears "he's gone back to his pregnant girlfriend in the states" she told him, resting her forehead against his chest as he hugged her "I'm such an idiot Max, I've let him mess me up all over again"

Max lifted her chin up, forcing her to look at him "you're not messed up Zoe, you just have to move on" and with that fleeting statement her bent his head towards her and kissed her, allowing to take whatever comfort she needed from him.

.

**Not sure if I want this to be Zick or Zax, leave me your thoughts :) **


	6. Chapter 6

Zoe sat on the couch, staring at the TV blankly. She could feel the lips teasing her neck, her head tilting obligingly to allow him more access; her mind was in overdrive, Nick had called her today, three times. She had ignored every single call, holding her thumb over the accept button until the tears built up behind her eyes.

"Max" she murmured as his had moved to unbutton her shirt, her hand closed around his wrist as she pushed his hand away "not just now" she whispered, feeling the tears building up again.

"You ok?" He whispered, kneeling down in front of her on the couch, she had been like this the past week that had been 'seeing' each other again, they had never really been dating in the first place but he didn't want to push for for a label when she was so fragile. She had told Max all about what happened the first time around with Nick, the baby, the wedding, Yvonne. She felt betrayed, rejected and hurt all over again; she'd cried in his arms for hours and told him about the so called love of her life, it seemed to him that he didn't treat her very well for them being in a relationship and now, now he was trying to worm his way back into her life for the third time.

"Not really" she whispered, her eyes focused more on his chest that meeting his face "he called again today" she told him, she hadn't felt this comfortable with someone in a long time – it seemed Nick was the only person she'd ever trusted this much and he kept building her hopes up and tearing them all down again.

"What did he want?" He questioned her, slightly worried that he was going to lose her all over again. He knew he could never compare to the famous Nick Jordan but he cared about her and was there for her when she needed him, and that's more than he could say for Mr Jordan.

"No idea" Zoe shook her head, wiping the tears from her eyes "I never answered the phone" she smiled at him, looking him dead in the eye; she felt terrible for leaving him from Nick, he was so genuine and he was definitely there for her when she needed him. It didn't bother her that Max was a porter, that he didn't earn what Nick did and couldn't treat her to the things that Nick had done in the past. She knew if it was going to work she'd have to stop comparing Max to Nick, they were totally separate people and completely different in personality. She stood up, brushing down her skirt and taking Max's hand "shall we go to bed?" She smiled, tugging on his hand and leading him to her bedroom.

"Brilliant idea" he replied, smacking her bum as she walked up stairs in front of him.

.

"Happy Birthday" Max whispered as he slid up behind Zoe at reception that morning, they were still keeping their relationship a secret much to his bemusement. "I've got a present for you" he told her, groping her bum as he stretched passed her to grab his next transfer card.

"Oh yeah?" Zoe turned around pressing her body up against his briefly before sliding out of his way "is it something dirty?" She whispered biting down on her lip gently and raising an eyebrow. She couldn't remember being in such a good mood for a long time, it had been almost four months since Nick had left and he called her most days but she was beginning to move on, focusing on her relationship with Max the one positive thing in her life.

"No, not quite" Max laughed "you'll need to see when you get home" he smiled, turning around and walking away leaving her to wonder about her birthday surprise.

Her shift passed without much drama, her birthday remained a well hidden secret between her and Max, she hadn't even wanted him to know but he'd seen the first birthday card that arrived last week from her sister in Australia. "So, what's this present then?" Zoe asked as they made their way from the hospital, together.

"I told you, you'll need yo wait until you get home" he whispered, leaning in to kiss her, pushing her body back against her car "I'll see you later" he smiled against her lips taking a step back and walking away from her.

"You're not coming with me?" She called after him, totally confused. She looked around to make sure no one had seen their kiss or heard her shouting on him.

"Nope" Max replied vaguely, leaving Zoe feeling slightly hurt and alone in the dark car park.

Zoe pulled into the driveway of her apartment, having no clue what had just happened in the car park with Max. She kicked off her shoes in the living room and made her way through the bedroom. "How on earth did you get in here?" She asked, sucking in her breath as she took in the candles and the man in the suit sitting on her bed with a bunch of flowers.

"You shouldn't leave your key under that mat, for a consultant you're not the most practical of people are you?" He grinned "now I've booked reservations for eight, go and get changed" he nodded his head to the dress hanging on her wardrobe.

"Oh Max" she gasped, running her hand over the silky material "you shouldn't have, it must have cost you a fortune"

"Yeah, well" Max grinned sheepishly "you're most definitely worth it"

.

"I think dinner was the wrong thing" Max gasped as Zoe emerged from getting ready "you look beautiful" he whispered, standing up to kiss her. He wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her more soundly "close your eyes" he whispered in her ear. He pulled the box out of his pocket and secured the silver pendant around her neck.

"It's beautiful" Zoe whispered looking down at the tiny silver elephant that now nestled in the hollow of her throat, her favourite animal; she wasn't even sure she remembered telling Max this. "Thank you so much, for everything" she whispered, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him "shall we go for dinner?" She asked, linking her arm into his.

Max nodded and lead her from the apartment, stunned as he opened the door to find someone already stood on the other side; he knew whom it was immediately.

"Zoe" Nick gasped as he looked her up and down, taking in her curvaceous figure in the silk tea dress that Max had bought for her. "You look amazing" he smiled, his head turned to Max and he frowned "I didn't realise you'd be busy, I came to talk" he told her, looking with a slight pleading in his eyes.

"I don't know why you came back here Nick" Zoe growled, trying to keep her voice level "but I don't want to see you, and I have plans tonight – Max is taking me out for my birthday" she dismissed him, felling slightly upset that he had forgotten her birthday.

"Shit Zo, I'm so sorry" he replied, trying to think of a way to make it up to her on the spot "let me take you somewhere, you two could always rearrange right?" He looked Max up and down.

"No" Zoe replied, turning to bypass Nick and dragging Max along with her "you'd better be gone by the time I get home" she called over her shoulder.

"I'm proud of how you acted back there" Max whispered as they climbed into to back of the taxi, he leant over to kiss her, running his hand lightly through her hair "happy birthday princess" he smiled, squeezing her hand lightly.


	7. Chapter 7

"Max" Zoe whispered as they strolled along the river "tonight was perfect, thank you so much" she smiled, squeezing his hand which he had clasped in hers. She couldn't remember enjoying a birthday in such a long time, he had taken her to her favourite tapas restaurant on the bay, then dancing in town and then to the new cocktail bar that had opened the previous week. It must have cost him a fortune, most of his wages she imagined but he'd treated her like a princess.

"Well, I think you're worth it" Max smiled pulling her closer to him and kissing her gently. He'd never been so infatuated with a woman in his life, she was perfect – in every way. He wrapped his arm around her waist as they strolled towards her apartment; he really hoped Nick had took Zoe's hint and gone home, she didn't need any hassle on her birthday and he wasn't so sure he could compete if he tried to take her away again. "You haven't even had your final surprise yet" he chucked, squeezing her side lightly.

"Oh yeah?" Zoe questioned raising her eye brow, a dirty smirk playing across her lips "is that something dirty?" She laughed, running her hand lightly across the zip of his trousers. The only thing she wanted was to get him home, drag him to her bedroom and allow him to have his way with her.

Max kissed her again, his tongue forcing her mouth open and his hands running down to her backside "it involves you naked and in bed, take from that what you will" Max whispered against her lips.

"We'd better get home them" Zoe smiled, tugging on his hand and quickening their pace back to her flat. She pulled him closer by his tie as they got into the lift, joining her lips with his. She smiled as she felt his hands wandering under her dress.

"You do know you're supposed to wear underwear, don't you?" Max grinned as his fingers teased her gently. She really was something, so confident and fearless about herself; she knew she was attractive, and she flaunted it.

.

"Well that definitely the best birthday in a long time" Zoe panted as cuddled into Max, hooking her leg across hers. She'd been so glad Nick hadn't still been hanging around when she'd returned home, she was I'm no mood for an argument. He'd left her an extravagant bunch of white roses, her favourite flower, which currently lay in the bin in her kitchen.

"I'm glad" Max whispered, kissing her head. He'd wanted to give her a perfect night, he wasn't even sure she'd have told him about her birthday if he hadn't seen the card and planning so,etching for her wasn't easy at such short notice.

"Can I tell you a secret?" Zoe mumbled her face half buried in his chest.

"Course you can" he replied, rolling on his side to face her.

"I think I might be falling in love with you" she whispered, blushing slightly as she done so.

Max's response was to kiss her and roll on top of her, pinning her to bed "I feel a long time ago" he mumbled against her lips.


	8. Chapter 8

"Are you sure you don't want to come?" Max asked as he and Zoe stood hand in hand on the train station platform. He was going home for the weekend to visit his family in Yorkshire.

Zoe shook her head "I don't do families" she replied, smiling in earnest; she had a shaky relationship with her mother and her and her sister only really spoke about her niece. They were quite upset when Zoe had left Liverpool to study medicine in London and they hadn't had much of a relationship since.

Max smiled softly "You can go home if you like, I still have forty minutes until my train is due" he squeezed her hand gently, kissing her forehead. He was going to miss her, he wasn't sure he'd ever had this feeling before; the tugging sensation in his stomach and the rapid heart beat whenever he thought of her.

"Forty minutes, eh?" Zoe grinned, nudging her body every closer to him until her hand was pressed right over the zip of his trousers "I can think of something to pass the time" she smiled at him, a dirty smile that only ever crossed her face as a way of getting what she wanted. It was strange how much she knew she was going to miss him, he would only be gone two days, yet somehow, those two days seemed like hell without his cheeky company.

Max looked at her, shocked. "Surely you're not suggesting we do that, here?" He looked rather horrified; he knew what she was like, she said some really filthy things to him when she was in the mood, but, this took things to a whole new level. He was going to have to start upping his game.

"You're not scared are you?" She whispered tugging on his hand and leading him casually until they were almost loitering outside the toilets. She went inside briefly, checking the coast was clear. "Come on then" she tugged in his arm, jolting him from his thoughts as she pulled him into a cubicle in the ladies.

It didn't take him long to come around to the idea once Zoe had pulled her top over her head and dropped it onto the closed lid. He had her pinned against the wall, hoisting her up and thrusting into her. His lips silenced her moans, she always had been loud.

"Well that was interesting" he whispered, as they made their way back to the platform twenty minutes later. They sat down on the bench, hand in hand, watching the hand tick by slowly on the clock. He was a little bit surprised about how brazen Zoe had been, the woman who had walked in as they were leaving became awful flushed as Zoe winked at her.

"I'll see you on Sunday, yeah?" Zoe whispered as his train pulled into the platform. She looped her arms around his neck, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him again "I'll come and pick you up" she murmured as he pulled away, blushing slightly at the wolf whistles from nearby teenagers.

"See you, babe, love you" he whispered as he stopped on to the train, he froze slight as he mulled over his words; they hadn't said that to each other yet. He took his seat, relived to see her still standing on the platform, looking a little shocked, he smiled as she blew him a kiss before turning away and heading back to the car park.

.

Zoe thought of nothing but those three words as she drove home, he had said in spontaneously and she wondered if it was a spur of the moment thing. She headed back to her apartment, feeling the tingle of where his lips had been on hers and smiled, she was almost certain she felt the same.

"What do you want?!" Zoe called as the headed down the hall to her flat, noticing the figure leaning against her doorway, bottle of wine in hand. He really was the last person she wanted to see.

"I just want to explain, Zoe" he pleaded slightly, feeling almost guilty about the way he had left things, he wasn't sure what to do now, or if he should have stayed in America.

Zoe ignored him, letting herself into the apartment and trying to shut the door, shocked as his foot stopped her and he let himself in. "Get out" she hissed, pushing on his chest.

His hand gripped her wrist and held her close to him "let me explain" he forced out through gritted teeth at her stubbornness.

Zoe sank into her leather armchair, the one that no one else dared sit on under pain of death and looked up at him "go on then" she looked at her watch "five minutes, then I want you gone." She yawned through his garbled explanation; he was sorry, should have told the truth, she wasn't pregnant, it was her he wanted, let him make it up to her, he loved her needed her and wanted to be with her.

"It broke my heart when I saw you with that… That porter" he told her, kneeling down in front of her "you could do so much better Zoe" he tried to bargain.

"Max, his name is Max" she corrected "when you say better, do you mean you?" She asked, raising an eyebrow "he hasn't lied to me, he doesn't have another woman living back in the states" she hissed, hating to have to drag the whole mess up again "he loves me" she told him, jutting her chin out defiantly.

"But do you love him?" He asked, smiling as she hesitated slightly "I love you Zoe, and I know you love me too. You can't fake the passion we have, we're meant to be" he whispered, he could see her becoming lost in his eyes and seductive tone "I can tell, by looking in your eyes, how much you want to kiss me."

He leant forward, his lips teasing hers shyly, smiling as they felt no resistance and she let him in.


	9. Chapter 9

"You know that shouldn't have happened, right?" Zoe whispered, grinning in satisfaction as she lay in bed beside Nick; she was still breathless and the sheets were tangled strangely around her after their liaison. She just could not stay angry at him, well she could, but all that anger seemed to convert to arousal when she was within ten feet of him; turning her on was his special skill, it didn't take much, just a wink or the way his voice became lower when he spoke to her – he could have her drop her knickers with one word.

Nick raised an eyebrow "is that right, because what your hand is doing right now tells me you want round two" he murmured, he's velvet like voice sending tingles up and down her spine as her hand teased him gently. He rolled on top of her, smiling as her legs drew up around his hips, in an age old routine that they'd perfect so well and never disappointed. His thrusts had her quivering beneath him and he'd hate to be a neighbour how had to listen to her moans, which seemed to reach a crescendo rather quickly. "You know things will never be over between us, don't you? If doesn't matter how many others there are, me and you are supposed to be together" Nick whispered, pulling Zoe close to him and holding her possessively, he wasn't sure he'd get another chance after tonight.

"Nick…" Zoe pleaded. She didn't want her life complicated any further, it was a constant internal battle between a Max and Nick, a battle of which the outcome had no clear winner. They both had their faults and their strengths. She sighed loudly, trying to enjoy the moment with Nick, being in his arms is what felt right, where she felt safe and protected from anything that would ever hurt her. Nicks power over everyone made her feel safe.

"Please don't deny it Zoe" Nick replied, squeezing her gently "if you really want to be with him then that's fine I'll let you go and long as I know you'll be happy" he told her, his stomach knotting at the mere thought of letting her go. "Just ask yourself, though. Can he make you happy? Does he make you feel like I do when were together, does he make you scream like I do? Does he make you feel safe and can he give you what I can?"

His list of questions went on, Zoe barely listening as she mulled things over in her head – as much as she wanted to answer yes, she just couldn't not to them all. She was falling for Max, his charm and his personality, but she wasn't in love with him; she doubted she'd ever love anyone while Nick Jordan took up such space in her heart. "Just stop it Nick" she pleaded, trying to diminish the internal battle going on in her head, and heart.

"I'd give you the world Zoe, anything you want. Can he do that?" Nick questioned as he headed fm the bed and through to the shower, leaving her to think and hoping that he'd been persuasive enough.

Zoe felt tears stinging her eyes as she thought, she knew that inevitably, someone was going to get hurt. This is why she liked being single, the only choices she had to make were whether to buy Jimmy Choos or Louboutin's and if she should buy a bottle of red or white. She could barely even look at Nick as he returned from his shower and she got up to take hers. She stood under the water, forehead against the tiles in the hope that the water would wash away her problems.

Nick smiled as he made Zoe's bed, picking Cher underwear from the bed post, he wasn't sure how it ended up hanging there, but somehow, standing in her bedroom, holding her lacy thong as he was tiding up seemed to throw up everything he stood to lose, again. Her phone buzzed on the side, a generic message tone, indicating a text. He looked over his shoulder, checking Zoe was still in the shower and picked the phone up. His heart sank he as noted it was from Max, her new beau.

_Hey babe, change of plan. I'll be back tomorrow morning, about eight - I'll get a taxi to yours x_

Nick choked slightly, he was banking on staying the night. He wasn't sure if he felt guilty as he deleted the text message and switched Zoe's phone to silent. If Max caught them together, at least he'd know the truth – quick and painless, like ripping a plaster off. Well, maybe not painless… He smirked as Zoe climbed into bed beside him and settled herself on his chest, tomorrow would be interesting.


	10. Chapter 10

Zoe turned over in her sleep, the slight banging sound unsettling her slightly. She twisted, pulling the sheets with her as she went; she only relaxed as sting arms encircled her waist and pulled her against his chest.

"Stop wriggling" nick whispered in her ear, kissing her neck slightly "go back to sleep" he murmured against her neck, the vibrations and his stubble ticking her slightly.

She turned around to face him "well I'm awake now" she grinned, feeling a slight pressure pushing against her thigh "and so are you, it seems" she laughed, propping herself on top of him and moving her hips as he thrust into her. His lips teased her neck and his hands gripped her bum firmly and she moved, sighing in pleasure every so often. She relished in the time she got to spend with Nick, not just intimately but anytime at all they spent together. It frustrated her how she never could stay angry at him, he always wormed his way back into her life and her bed. "What was that?" She gasped, pulling away from his kiss as she heard a bang downstairs.

"What?" Nick asked, putting his arm around her neck to pull her back down to him again "you're imagining things he mumbled against her lips, kissing her again as he rolled them over and pinned her arms above her head.

The pulled apart in shock as her bedroom door swung open, recoiling in horror as Max stood in the doorway, looking slightly horrified and a little sick.

"Max?" Zoe breathed, pulling out of Nicks grasp and sitting up, the duvet pulled tightly around her "I swear, this isn't what it looks like" she pleaded, it was a weak defence, she knew that but she wasn't entirely sure how act.

"Isn't it?" Max questioned, turned away slightly so he didn't have to look at them "you weren't fucking your ex boyfriend? No?" He whispered, resting his forehead against the doorframe "I don't get you, Zoe. After what you said the other day and then you go back to him, you knew I was coming back today, why didn't you get him to go? Did you want to bet caught" he hissed.

"Wha… What do you mean?" Zoe asked, looking at him "I said I'd pick you up tomorrow, at the station" she mumbled, wondering if she'd missed a full day, or has gotten mixed up. It wasn't that she wanted to ruin what she had with Max, but Nick, Nick was different.

"I wish, I wish you'd just dumped me Zoe, I could have handled that but coming back to see you screwing him, after everything we talked about" he hissed, he could feel the tears stinging behind his eyes, he didn't do emotional attachment to women, but Zoe, Zoe was different – in so many ways; she was everything he looked forming woman, and more. He felt so many things, hurt, betrayed, disgusted. "I text you last night, and I told you that I would be back this morning. You'd think, that you'd have had the sense to get him out before I came back.

Zoe looked at Max and then to a a Nick and back again "I didn't get a text, I definitely never" she looked at the duvet thinking, "this was you wasn't it" she looked at Nick "you knew, you saw that text and you though 'oh, here's another opportunity to ruin Zoe's life.' Get out" she hissed "get the hell out" she pushed him from the bed, watching as he hurriedly pulled his clothes on "Zoe" he pleaded "please, we need to sort this out."

"No, Nick" she screamed, tears streaming down her face "you did this intentionally, it's like your goal in life is to ruin mine. Was it that much of an issue when I saved your life?! You now feel the need to completely ruin mine?"

"It's like that, Zoe" he whispered, reaching out to take her hand.

She recoiled "Get. The. Fuck. Out." She hissed "I never want to see you again"

Max watched from the doorway, rather amused by the whole exchange. At least she could see what kind of man Nick Jordan really way. He knew he'd worm his way back, but he didn't think Zoe would be stupid enough to let him. He moved out of the way slightly as Nick pushed past him and then turned to Zoe "you're an idiot" he sighed, without any emotion in his voice.

"I'm so sorry, Max. I don't think you'll ever understand quite how much, but I really am" she pleaded, wrapping her dressing gown around her and kneeling on the bed.

He could see the tears in her eyes, and looked at her sadly "sometimes, it's just not enough Zoe" he whispered, turning and walking from the room.

Zoe screamed as he left, letting out the accumulation of hurt, anger and any other emotions she was feeling. She fell face first into her pillow and cried, harden than she'd ever cried before. She was alone, again.


	11. Chapter 11

The bottle of wine, or a bottle of vodka, twenty cigarettes and old repeats of Sex and The City pretty much summed up Zoe's life right now. She'd been calling in sick to work for a week now, she knew she couldn't keep it up much longer, but facing Max was too much to bare. She looked at her phone as another text from Nick entered her inbox, she growled in frustration and picked it up, hurling it as hard as she could against the nearest wall, smiling I'm satisfaction as it cracked into pieces "bastard" she growled.

She looked up in surprise as her doorbell rang, pausing the TV to answer it she stopped at the mirror; she hadn't showered in three days, she could smell the alcohol coming from her pores and her whole apartment stank of the takeaways she had been eating – not ideal for the apparent visitor she had. She tried to sort her hair a little and lulled her pyjama shirts down to cover her a little more as she pulled the door open, speechless as she saw him, shifting from side to side as he waiting.

He smiled softly as she pulled the door open "you look a mess" he told her, blunt as ever.

"What do you want?" She asked weakly, being in no mood for visitors.

"Can I come in?" He asked, it seemed more of demand to her but she stood back and let him in. "Gosh you must be feeling guilty" he quipped as he moved straight to her windows, which took up most of the wall, and pulled the blinds open then pushed open the window to let fresh air in and the stale smell of Chinese food out.

"What do you want?" She asked again, throwing herself back onto the couch and covering her eyes as the light spilled into her living room.

"I want to know you're ok" he smiled, taking a seat beside her "now, go and get a shower and then we'll talk"

She nodded and stood up, pausing in the doorway and turning back to him "Max" she called softly "I'm glad you came" she smiled, heading for the shower and to sort her life out.

.

Zoe sat, wrapped in her dressing gown, sipping the coffee that Max had made her. She ran a hand through her damp hair and looked at him, they had been sitting side by side for twenty minutes and neither had spoken. "I'm really sorry, you know" she broke the silence, the tension in the air was palpable as she spoke.

"Yeah?" Max questioned, grimacing as he took a sip of his coffee.

"It was just, one of those things" she tried to explain, reaching out to take his hand.

"I get it Zoe, I do. I'm not exactly the monogamous type but I thought we were different, I thought we had something" he sighed, titling his head back and closing his eyes. "Anyway, I didn't come here to argue"

"Well why are you here?" She questioned, suddenly feeling rather defensive.

He opened his eyes and looked at her "I came here to see if you were ok, and… And to tell you we can make a go of this. If you want to that is" he mumbled quickly.

"But why?" She asked, she looked at him in all seriousness "I've treated you like shit, I dumped you, then cheated on you. Im a mess Max, used goods no one wants me, nor really" she sighed, Knowing it was the truth.

"Well I think you're worth it, I love you for gods sake" he smiled at her, moving slightly closer to her and waiting for her to make her move.

Those were the three words that Zoe Hanna wanted to hear, and as she heard them she pulled him closer and kissed him "I love you too, idiot" she whispered against his lips; smiling as she felt his hands working the knot on her dressing gown. It seemed things were back to normal.


	12. Chapter 12

"I'm surprised he took you back" a deep voice behind Zoe called as she stood in the staffroom making coffee.

She whipped around instantly recognising the voice "so am I" she replied bluntly, raising her eyebrow at him before turning back to her coffee "what do you want?" She asked,taking a long drink of coffee and turning back around.

"You haven't been answering your phone" he sighed he had been trying to get hold of her for a month now, and then he had came to the ED, and he had seen her, in her car – with him. He had been strangely fixed on them, he wanted to turn away so badly, but he couldn't. He had watched as they kissed, pulling apart as she spoke, he had no idea what she was saying but they laughed together anyway. It was like watching a silent film, transfixing but strangely annoying, he watched as he mumbled something, pushing his hand under her skirt as her head lolled back into the head rest and her eyes closed. Her eyes opened quickly, as if sensing she was being watched but, thankfully, not seeing him. She leaned over and kissed him again before pushing him away lightly and swinging her legs, ever so gracefully, from her car.

"Yeah, well" she replied, looking him up and down "I've got a new phone now" she smiled ruefully, as she remembered how her phone had cracked as it bounced off the wall. "Can you just leave now? I'm happy, Nick" she sighed leaning back on the work top.

"Oh come on Zoe" he snorted, she could see the mirth between his eyes "he's barely a child" he moved closer to her like a predator stalking is prey "what can you possibly see in him"

Zoe pushed herself back against the work top, trying to put as much space as possible between them, she wasn't sure her willpower could take him being close to him "I don't think you want to know the answer to that" she grinned at him, trying to make him uncomfortable. She thought back to this morning in the car, she'd known all along her was watching her.

He moved closer again, until their bodies were touching "I really do" he whispered, brining her face level with hers.

Zoe turned her face away, she couldn't ever remember not liking the smell of Nicks aftershave but today, it made her feel nauseas. She took a deep breath and looked at him "there's just some things that should be kept between a couple Nick, but put it this way I'm a lot louder with him, that I ever was with you" she winked, not falling under his charms left her feeling strangely satisfied. She finished her coffee, noting that he hadn't moved from his position in front of her. "Can you let me past please?" She raised an eyebrow, raising a hand to his chest to push him away, noting Max standing behind him in the staffroom door.

"He'll never be able to give you what I can, Zoe" he hissed at her, grasping her wrist and pulling her body close to him.

"I don't care about that Nick" she replied looking at him in disgust, she pushed him again, more firmly this time and moved past him "goodbye Nick" she whispered, heading over to Max and taking his hand.

"I love you" he whispered as they walked down the corridor.

"I love you too" she smiled, pulling him into the store cupboard and backing him against the door.


End file.
